We become a couple for many reasons: shared interests, shared values, sexual attraction and perceived compatibility. Once we are together, we yearn to grow deeper in love, keeping the playfulness, passion and connection as time goes by. However, as two different individuals moving into increasingly complex lives, it is inevitable that we will have conflict. When the conflict escalates, the very security of this relationship is threatened, leading to more escalation or withdrawal – a destructive dance pattern of negativity fueled by pursuit/withdrawal behaviors.
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Do you feel detached or that you are growing apart? Is your partner pulling away?
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Do your fights end the same way, no matter the topic?
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Are you struggling to adjust to a new addition in the family?
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In your transition to an “empty nest”, do you wonder if there is anything left between you?
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Do you feel more like roommates than lovers?
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Are you reeling from the shock of betrayal?
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, or EFT, is an evidenced based therapy proven to strengthen or create an emotional bond between couples. Why emotions? Emotions are the music of a relationship. They draw us closer together when shared with honesty, openness, and vulnerability and drive us apart when there are misunderstandings, withdrawals, defensiveness, criticism or attacks. Often body language can be misread due to experiences in prior relationships, leading to reactions that increase conflict. Using EFT, I create the safety necessary to identify the dance steps, explore the deeper feelings and needs behind the reactions, and to increase honesty, openness and vulnerability.
I understand this personally, as well as professionally. Through over 45 years of marriage, I have experienced both the entrapment of the negative, reactionary pattern and the love, contentment, fun and joy of a securely connected relationship.
For more information on EFT, you can view this video clip created by a Sharon Meade, LMFT.